I have been battling depression for a long time. I am on a good “Chemical Cocktail” to beat down the symptoms. Most the time, it works and I feel as normal as I can. Then I have days like today. Impending doom, nauseous, would rather stay in bed all day, afraid of things that I should have no reason to fear. There never seems to be a trigger. Just wake up, feet hit the floor and BOOM! I am miserable.
I try desperately to decipher what the true issue is, but instantly talk myself in to the “it is just my serotonin levels are all whack” mind set. I move on, trying to think of what my day has in store for me. Looking for reasons to feel relaxed.
I know my depression is pretty nasty at times. Instead of trying to find things to be happy about, I am looking for things to just make me feel relaxed. I have convinced myself that I will always feel sad, hurt, alone and miserable for the rest of my life. I now have physical pain from the depression, and that is something entirely new for me.
There is some major issues going on close to home, and I am not able to share details at this point. But I know that these issues are assisting with the “Impending Doom” feeling I have. If I could eliminate just one symptom of depression, impending doom would be the one I kick to the curb. It is the worst of the worst.
I think I need a wake up call.