One of “Those” Days

I have been battling depression for a long time. I am on a good “Chemical Cocktail” to beat down the symptoms. Most the time, it works and I feel as normal as I can. Then I have days like today. Impending doom, nauseous, would rather stay in bed all day, afraid of things that I should have no reason to fear. There never seems to be a trigger. Just wake up, feet hit the floor and BOOM! I am miserable.

I try desperately to decipher what the true issue is, but instantly talk myself in to the “it is just my serotonin levels are all whack” mind set. I move on, trying to think of what my day has in store for me. Looking for reasons to feel relaxed.

I know my depression is pretty nasty at times. Instead of trying to find things to be happy about, I am looking for things to just make me feel relaxed. I have convinced myself that I will always feel sad, hurt, alone and miserable for the rest of my life. I now have physical pain from the depression, and that is something entirely new for me.

There is some major issues going on close to home, and I am not able to share details at this point. But I know that these issues are assisting with the “Impending Doom” feeling I have. If I could eliminate just one symptom of depression, impending doom would be the one I kick to the curb. It is the worst of the worst.

I think I need a wake up call.

Mahalo!

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This entry was posted in Anxiety, Depression, OCD and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to One of “Those” Days

  1. altonwoods says:

    Impending doom? What if you’re right? I feel the same way except I believe that…

    1)God loves me.
    2) God is in control.
    3) God has promised to never leave me or forsake me.
    4)Through Jesus and His blood I’ve been forgiven and will spend eternity in paradise.

    I’d be a total mess if it weren’t for that! Here’s a link to a blog I wrote on the subject of depression and anxiety, I sincerely hope that things get better for you and for everyone!

    http://altonwoods.wordpress.com/2010/01/09/whos-to-say/

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