There are some days that really suck for me. Friday the 13th would be one of them. Having OCD sucks all by itself, but when it involves numbers, simple things like the time of day become immobilizing! For example, if I happen to look at the clock, and the time is 5:55, I freeze in that moment in time, and can do nothing until that clock hits 5:56. I know this may seem odd, but the panic and fear of something horrible happening is overwhelming.
So now, you have the entire day…Friday the 13th (oh, by the way, is tomorrow) the entire day is shot for me. I do not want to make any plans, refuse to play any poker, and really hate leaving the house out of immense fear of something horrible will happen. No flying on this day either. It is more than a case of triscadecaphobia (the fear of the number 13) it is a obsession that creates major anxiety, and fear.
I am trying to find ways around this. Trying to trick myself in to thinking it is the 14th, or just trying to forget the date all together. None of this works, but the energy I put in to trying seems to let me forget the fear for a brief moment. And sometimes that small moment in time makes a huge difference. Here is a list of things I can not ever do on Friday the 13th.
- I will not eat any meat for fear of getting food poisoning.
- I will not travel any long distances by car
- I will not travel by boat, or plane.
- I make no major decisions.
- I pray more on these days than any other.
- I am extra nice to everyone.
- I try not to say cuss words.
- I go out of my way to NOT look at any clocks for fear that my military clock will show 13:13 on Friday the 13th.
- I make sure not to schedule any doctor, or dentist appointments on that day.
- I will not wear anything that is black.
I know to most of you, this all seems crazy. And that, I can accept. I know, understand and have accepted that my brain does not function the way it should. Every day I try to make small changes to allow me to step outside my comfort zone. This may seem like minute steps to people who do not suffer from OCD. Tomorrow, I am going to have a big, juicy hamburger (never have had one before on the 13th). This is my small (huge to me) step to trying to conquer my fear, and to stop obsessing about it.
Feel free to comment, even if it is judgmental. Any tips, tricks would be welcomed as well. I hope you all have a great Friday the 13th (it pains me to even type out Friday the 13th).