I have spent a lot of the past few months trying to find myself again. In doing this, it seems I have stopped doing almost everything I love to do. Now that I have kicked Klonopin, and am heading back to a regular therapy schedule, it is time to start spending time doing what I love to do.
The comical part of this is I had a very hard time remembering what I love doing. It took me a few days, when I was in North Carolina, to remember what they were. I know it sounds odd, but it is true. I think back to what I used to do several years ago. Spending time at the airport watching planes take off and land, taking pictures, going for coffee with friends. Taking my daughter to the park (if the weather ever decides to be agreeable) was something I love to do. But with all of my depression, OCD, and anxiety, it seemed almost impossible to achieve such a simple task. Now I am finding it to be one of the greatest pleasures in life.
I need to get back to the old me, and when I say the “old me” I am meaning how I was as a kid. No worries, enjoyed life, simplicity. I miss being carefree (to an extent). I know it is not possible to do this. But certain aspects of that time in life is, and I will start living for each day. I will not live in my past, or my future anymore!
So today marks the day of me just being who I am. Accepting myself for my short comings and being “ok” with who I am in every aspect. It marks the day I go back to my passions in life. The day I start to heal from the madness I’ve created in my own life. I want to be “normal” but this is who I am, and I have accepted that.